Yep, you read it right. My son has orders to pee in a cup and send it in the mail. I told him to be lucky he only had to worry about number one. Know what I'm sayin'? Ahhhhh.
Anyway. Those who know me know somewhere along the line the filter God gave me busted or just flat out gave up hope. It makes me who I am though.
Jake has to have this test sent to a lab in hopes that they will be able to monitor his brain chemistry. They will look at things like seratonin and dopamine. The Dr. is almost positive that this is a bi-polar issue. When I think about that, I have a tendency to get really, really scared. I think of the people who are on drugs and homeless because they were not properly helped or were not able to get the proper help. It is really sad and breaks my heart. Those are the times that I am truly grateful that I have a relationship with God. HE reminds me that He is in control and that my son has a purpose and this is not a surprise to Him. I will not fear, I will not fear, I will not fear!!!!! Jake was and is God's first. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
Back to the testing. The tricky part of this has been the timing and the hours in which it must be collected from the time Jake wakes up. Three hours after he wakes, he is to drink nothing or eat nothing. He is to release his bladder right after he wakes and then collect three hours later. Then it needs to be refrigerated until it goes into the mailbox. Did you hear that? I have to put this lovely vile into my fridge. (((Barf))) I am a germ-ah-zoid. You know those science movies we watched in school growing up where they show you what is happening at the GERM level. Yeah, messed me up as a kid. I did not have any gloves to handle this specimen so I had paper towels at both hands for the interception. You should have seen my face when he set it on the counter (in the KITCHEN) where I had a paper towel ready. Yeah, when I saw that some sort of fluid had made the paper towel wet..... (Psycho music in the background) Anyway I am sure that counter has never before been as disinfected as it is now.
I am trying to capture and reflect on the humorous part of it all. It helps the blood pressure.
Afterwards, I am pouring coffee and I hear the blades behind me rattling in the dish strainer. I look back and Jake is scrummaging through them. I ask him what he is doing and he just said that he likes looking at them. What the what? Stuff like that, freaks me out. Why in God's green earth would he just like to look at them? I will not fear, I will not fear.
I have to go to work and completely trust God for my son's safety. Some people would tell me that is just ignorance. Nope, it's called faith.
School seems hopeless for this year. We called our preferred school and they can't take him because the out-of-district window has long since closed. The district that we live in, ya know...the one we loathe, will only allow him into the school where a lot of this mess is stemming from. Not the bi-polar obviously, but the trauma from being daily harassed including from teachers. So, NO...he will not be attending public school this year. Sad.
I know a kid that got way left behind. Thing is, it does not seem like anyone in the stinkin' school systems gives a rip. This school district that is so highly praised and adored in this town, could care less about what happens to my son.
I will not fear, I will not allow bitterness to take root. Ahhhhh, ok.
There you have it. The testing phase of 2011 has officially begun.
Blessings to you all and thank you again for your prayers.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Tucson's Torment
I am DEEPLY saddened at what took place at a grocery store in Tucson, Arizona over the weekend. As a mom of a young man who may have a chemical disorder in the brain, I am overwhelmed and honestly on the brink of torment by this story.
Each time a gunman walks into a place to begin killing people we try to asses what happened. What was his home life like? Who are his parents? What is in his past? While these can all be contributors, I realized last night that all of these other elements can be handled and dealt with if people would just do so, (medical, chemical, Dr. visits, etc.) but the major element in our society today; the one we WONT deal with because it is too politically incorrect, is the God element and His place and role in our lives.
People get angry. It is a fact of life. I have learned that anger is a secondary emotion to something else. Fear, frustration even hunger. There is something that happens first before anger is brought in. I have also learned that God really does not have a place in our society. He just really does not fit in. We have here a deadly formula as we have all watched on television. We have angry people walking around this country thinking THEY have the place on the judgement seat and not God.
That is what happened in Tucson over the weekend and in Virginia a few years back. That is what happened in New York in 2001. A human being decided they were going to be judge and jury. God wasn't doing the job, so it has to be done by them. This 22 year old kid, told God to move out of his way, he had this one covered. REALLY!!??
Do we really think that we have that right as people? I am so incredibly sickened at what our country has become. I do not like a lot of what happens in Washington D.C. but let me tell you something, I am not going to take it upon myself to use deadly force to solve MY issue. I have been taught the Word of God. Christ lives in my heart and I have a duty given to me the moment my son was conceived to teach him those same values. I have a duty to try and show him the compassion and mercy of God.
Last night Jacob and I had time to discuss these things. He had not been to sleep for 3 days, I am not sure why that is happening but it did. He was on a very high, high when I got home from work. Then with one mention of the summer and him possibly not seeing my grandmother, he was in a pit. Somehow our conversation moved to the Tucson incident and that was when God pricked my heart to remind him of God's job in judgement.
This should not be a second amendment issue. Guns do not kill people, people kill people. Short a fire setting off the ammo, a gun is an object that can do nothing unless it is made to. So is the answer in getting rid of all of the weapons and firearms in America? Sorry, won't matter. People who are angry and determined to kill someone IS going to find a way to do it. The rest of us just will not be able to defend ourselves.
So what do we do? We have to invite God back into our homes, schools and country for that matter. I know, it's too much of a sticky topic. Too many people believe differently, that it is just going to cause more problems. I know what I can do. I will pray. I will pray that God will find a remnant in this country and will once again be welcomed in so the people will see what He wants to do if we would allow him.
I have not really had any comments lately, I suspect that will change after this post, or I will not see you as a follower anymore. Please remember, if I don't have one follower, that is not the purpose to this blog. This is about me getting what is inside of me, out. It is about dealing with I am facing as a mom with what my son is going through and all of those other things that relate. Just watching the news can set off a whole chain of events that I did not see coming. I am not intending to start arguments or exchange heated words or ideas. This is just what is in my heart right now as I sit with my son and look at that young man on the TV. Tears streaming down my face, I ask God's blessing over Jacob of peace.
I am determined. I will not see my son's mugshot on that television caught in a despicable situation such as this troubled young man from Arizona. Jacob is God's first. I trust that God will direct me and use what Jacob has been through to help people in the future and not hurt them. I believe God will make Jacob a champion for the underdog just like Jesus.
I am reaching up today for hope. I am praying for the Congresswoman in the hospital for a full recovery. I am praying for the little girl's family, I can not imagine their pain. I am praying for the aide's family, for the Judge's family also. For the families of the sweet grandma's and grandpa's that were there to pick up some groceries and lost their lives, I lift of prayers of comfort and peace. This should never have happened and I am deeply saddened that it did.
As always, thank you for your prayers!
Each time a gunman walks into a place to begin killing people we try to asses what happened. What was his home life like? Who are his parents? What is in his past? While these can all be contributors, I realized last night that all of these other elements can be handled and dealt with if people would just do so, (medical, chemical, Dr. visits, etc.) but the major element in our society today; the one we WONT deal with because it is too politically incorrect, is the God element and His place and role in our lives.
People get angry. It is a fact of life. I have learned that anger is a secondary emotion to something else. Fear, frustration even hunger. There is something that happens first before anger is brought in. I have also learned that God really does not have a place in our society. He just really does not fit in. We have here a deadly formula as we have all watched on television. We have angry people walking around this country thinking THEY have the place on the judgement seat and not God.
That is what happened in Tucson over the weekend and in Virginia a few years back. That is what happened in New York in 2001. A human being decided they were going to be judge and jury. God wasn't doing the job, so it has to be done by them. This 22 year old kid, told God to move out of his way, he had this one covered. REALLY!!??
Do we really think that we have that right as people? I am so incredibly sickened at what our country has become. I do not like a lot of what happens in Washington D.C. but let me tell you something, I am not going to take it upon myself to use deadly force to solve MY issue. I have been taught the Word of God. Christ lives in my heart and I have a duty given to me the moment my son was conceived to teach him those same values. I have a duty to try and show him the compassion and mercy of God.
Last night Jacob and I had time to discuss these things. He had not been to sleep for 3 days, I am not sure why that is happening but it did. He was on a very high, high when I got home from work. Then with one mention of the summer and him possibly not seeing my grandmother, he was in a pit. Somehow our conversation moved to the Tucson incident and that was when God pricked my heart to remind him of God's job in judgement.
This should not be a second amendment issue. Guns do not kill people, people kill people. Short a fire setting off the ammo, a gun is an object that can do nothing unless it is made to. So is the answer in getting rid of all of the weapons and firearms in America? Sorry, won't matter. People who are angry and determined to kill someone IS going to find a way to do it. The rest of us just will not be able to defend ourselves.
So what do we do? We have to invite God back into our homes, schools and country for that matter. I know, it's too much of a sticky topic. Too many people believe differently, that it is just going to cause more problems. I know what I can do. I will pray. I will pray that God will find a remnant in this country and will once again be welcomed in so the people will see what He wants to do if we would allow him.
I have not really had any comments lately, I suspect that will change after this post, or I will not see you as a follower anymore. Please remember, if I don't have one follower, that is not the purpose to this blog. This is about me getting what is inside of me, out. It is about dealing with I am facing as a mom with what my son is going through and all of those other things that relate. Just watching the news can set off a whole chain of events that I did not see coming. I am not intending to start arguments or exchange heated words or ideas. This is just what is in my heart right now as I sit with my son and look at that young man on the TV. Tears streaming down my face, I ask God's blessing over Jacob of peace.
I am determined. I will not see my son's mugshot on that television caught in a despicable situation such as this troubled young man from Arizona. Jacob is God's first. I trust that God will direct me and use what Jacob has been through to help people in the future and not hurt them. I believe God will make Jacob a champion for the underdog just like Jesus.
I am reaching up today for hope. I am praying for the Congresswoman in the hospital for a full recovery. I am praying for the little girl's family, I can not imagine their pain. I am praying for the aide's family, for the Judge's family also. For the families of the sweet grandma's and grandpa's that were there to pick up some groceries and lost their lives, I lift of prayers of comfort and peace. This should never have happened and I am deeply saddened that it did.
As always, thank you for your prayers!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Happy New Year!!
Again, my apologies for the lack of writing. I think I started to avoid the blog as well as talk to others because after a while you can only get so raw from exposure that you just need time to let the wound scab over a bit.
Christmas came and went in such a whirlwind. Wow, can hardly remember all the details. I started getting sick a week before Christmas and that lasted pretty much into the New Year. Our family, being the production family, were all involved in a Christmas play at a local church. While we do not want to force our passion for production onto Jacob, we do want him to experience it and at least have a respect for it. He ran spotlight and could hardly stay awake for the whole thing. I have stepped him back on one of his meds that seemed to make him the most tired, so he can be more conscious through out the day.
Jacob has had some hallucinations that have been scary. One of which was while we were at the Christmas production. I have started having dreams about his situation and I always seem to be fighting demons in my dreams. I am seeking Godly counsel on those, but they are adding up in a lot of ways. I know that is a sticky subject with a lot of people so I will avoid the discussion of it here.
He has refused to go to the psych, he says he has a lot of anger towards him and blames not being able to attend his school of choice. His father and I have explained while that is how he may feel, that is not a reality. We are currently looking into checking out some different ones for this year.
We still regularly attend his counseling sessions and those seem to really help. When we can, my husband and I add a session for the two of us. This way we can speak to the counselor about what challenges we have as parents.
The New Year is filled with a lot of medical testing for Jacob. Currently I am looking at a urine test that I will give him at home. This test will measure the dopamine, seritonin and other brain chemicals. It has really weird and specific directions. It has to be taken exactly three hours after he wakes up. The sample has to be refrigerated for an hour, kept over night and then mailed 2 day UPS. Weird. Can you mail things on Sunday? Really would prefer to do something like this over the weekend, know what I mean.
He has some PFT's that need to be done to monitor his asthma and his lung capacity to make sure he is getting enough oxygen. There is a ton of blood sugar things I need to get done. Also, we have a script to get his allergies tested.
The Doctor's really want to be through before they give that bi-polar diagnosis to rule out all of those other things that can mimic the same symptoms. I will most likely be looking into some alternative options, so I welcome your experience with that.
My husband called some schools yesterday. This is interesting. One of the school districts in my area that is not as "favored" locally came in very handy with information and overall, proved to be of much more value than it's more opted local favorite. They were blown away that when I talked with the "favored" district, an alternative was not offered for Jacob's education. Also, they were disgusted with how the private school was able to just dismiss Jacob without having a meeting with my husband and I. Uh, hello? We thought the same thing. Private schools can be a blessing and a curse at times. You can have Christ welcomed in school (really good thing), but they don't have to play by the same rules. Let me just say that the Christian private school where Jacob was going has put a very sour and bad taste in the mouths of those outside the church. We hang our own sometimes, don't we?
Anyway, not gonna go there. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture.
I have to tell you that last night I went to a prayer meeting at church. It was amazing. You all know the scripture - paraphrasing here. "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"? Yeah. Fought it all day long. In my heart though, I told myself I was going to go. I also told Jacob he was going. Somehow he got it in his head that the whole large group of people had gathered just to pray for him. He sat out most of worship, because he claims not to like "that type of music". Help me Jesus. I prayed the whole time of worship that God would "undo" what I have done. I have kept him home many-o-Sunday's thinking I was protecting him even from people at church that have hurt him. Hello! I was keeping him away from God. He used to LOVE that music. We would blast it all the way to church and all the way home. Now he HATED it? No, that is totally a spiritual attack and mama wasn't havin' it.
I prayed that God would keep his heart soft and not allow it to become hardened and shut off to the truth. Once worship was over and the Pastor came up. He began to talk about missionaries who are being persecuted in Iran. Missionaries from our church, or who have a connection with our church. Jacob was immediately focused and engaged. He prayed with me, he spoke the words that the congregation read together. It was amazing. After the service my friend, April said she was going to get someone to pray over him. She lassoed up the worship leader. Wow! Ok. He prayed an amazing prayer over Jacob. That these old wounds would not control his future. He prayed a protection over his heart, mind and spirit so things can not penetrate as they did before. This man really took the time and really sought God for His words. I was so grateful that the man was not rushing out to Denny's or check his hair. He cared about the young man in front of him although he had never met Jacob before. I was touched. God gave me hope as I reached up to him, tangible hope. What a priceless gift that I will cherish forever.
God reminded me that Jacob is his first. I have an obligation to raise him in a manner that would glorify Himself. Making sure that he is seeing the Great Physician every sunday will be key in his recovery.
That is my plan. Even if my husband still has to go to another church as a second job to make ends meet. Even though we at this time can not worship together as a family, I WILL continue to take my son to the place where I know his spirit can be fed and he can grow into the man that God has purposed for him to be.
I have hope today that somehow everything will work out. God has a plan through all of this. As much as the road we are traveling has scraped and ripped, torn and gnashed...there is a plan here. I think of the potter and the clay story or the refining of gold. We too have a purpose and when the branches are stripped away, it hurts like the begeebers. It is for our growth and for our good and ultimately for HIS glory.
Thanks for traveling through this journey with us. ALWAYS appreciate each word you are able to lift up to the Father on our behalf.
Happy New Year to you all. May 2011 be a year of growth in the Lord and the knowledge he freely gives. May you experience his love and grace a fresh and new.
Blessings to you all.
Christmas came and went in such a whirlwind. Wow, can hardly remember all the details. I started getting sick a week before Christmas and that lasted pretty much into the New Year. Our family, being the production family, were all involved in a Christmas play at a local church. While we do not want to force our passion for production onto Jacob, we do want him to experience it and at least have a respect for it. He ran spotlight and could hardly stay awake for the whole thing. I have stepped him back on one of his meds that seemed to make him the most tired, so he can be more conscious through out the day.
Jacob has had some hallucinations that have been scary. One of which was while we were at the Christmas production. I have started having dreams about his situation and I always seem to be fighting demons in my dreams. I am seeking Godly counsel on those, but they are adding up in a lot of ways. I know that is a sticky subject with a lot of people so I will avoid the discussion of it here.
He has refused to go to the psych, he says he has a lot of anger towards him and blames not being able to attend his school of choice. His father and I have explained while that is how he may feel, that is not a reality. We are currently looking into checking out some different ones for this year.
We still regularly attend his counseling sessions and those seem to really help. When we can, my husband and I add a session for the two of us. This way we can speak to the counselor about what challenges we have as parents.
The New Year is filled with a lot of medical testing for Jacob. Currently I am looking at a urine test that I will give him at home. This test will measure the dopamine, seritonin and other brain chemicals. It has really weird and specific directions. It has to be taken exactly three hours after he wakes up. The sample has to be refrigerated for an hour, kept over night and then mailed 2 day UPS. Weird. Can you mail things on Sunday? Really would prefer to do something like this over the weekend, know what I mean.
He has some PFT's that need to be done to monitor his asthma and his lung capacity to make sure he is getting enough oxygen. There is a ton of blood sugar things I need to get done. Also, we have a script to get his allergies tested.
The Doctor's really want to be through before they give that bi-polar diagnosis to rule out all of those other things that can mimic the same symptoms. I will most likely be looking into some alternative options, so I welcome your experience with that.
My husband called some schools yesterday. This is interesting. One of the school districts in my area that is not as "favored" locally came in very handy with information and overall, proved to be of much more value than it's more opted local favorite. They were blown away that when I talked with the "favored" district, an alternative was not offered for Jacob's education. Also, they were disgusted with how the private school was able to just dismiss Jacob without having a meeting with my husband and I. Uh, hello? We thought the same thing. Private schools can be a blessing and a curse at times. You can have Christ welcomed in school (really good thing), but they don't have to play by the same rules. Let me just say that the Christian private school where Jacob was going has put a very sour and bad taste in the mouths of those outside the church. We hang our own sometimes, don't we?
Anyway, not gonna go there. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture.
I have to tell you that last night I went to a prayer meeting at church. It was amazing. You all know the scripture - paraphrasing here. "The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"? Yeah. Fought it all day long. In my heart though, I told myself I was going to go. I also told Jacob he was going. Somehow he got it in his head that the whole large group of people had gathered just to pray for him. He sat out most of worship, because he claims not to like "that type of music". Help me Jesus. I prayed the whole time of worship that God would "undo" what I have done. I have kept him home many-o-Sunday's thinking I was protecting him even from people at church that have hurt him. Hello! I was keeping him away from God. He used to LOVE that music. We would blast it all the way to church and all the way home. Now he HATED it? No, that is totally a spiritual attack and mama wasn't havin' it.
I prayed that God would keep his heart soft and not allow it to become hardened and shut off to the truth. Once worship was over and the Pastor came up. He began to talk about missionaries who are being persecuted in Iran. Missionaries from our church, or who have a connection with our church. Jacob was immediately focused and engaged. He prayed with me, he spoke the words that the congregation read together. It was amazing. After the service my friend, April said she was going to get someone to pray over him. She lassoed up the worship leader. Wow! Ok. He prayed an amazing prayer over Jacob. That these old wounds would not control his future. He prayed a protection over his heart, mind and spirit so things can not penetrate as they did before. This man really took the time and really sought God for His words. I was so grateful that the man was not rushing out to Denny's or check his hair. He cared about the young man in front of him although he had never met Jacob before. I was touched. God gave me hope as I reached up to him, tangible hope. What a priceless gift that I will cherish forever.
God reminded me that Jacob is his first. I have an obligation to raise him in a manner that would glorify Himself. Making sure that he is seeing the Great Physician every sunday will be key in his recovery.
That is my plan. Even if my husband still has to go to another church as a second job to make ends meet. Even though we at this time can not worship together as a family, I WILL continue to take my son to the place where I know his spirit can be fed and he can grow into the man that God has purposed for him to be.
I have hope today that somehow everything will work out. God has a plan through all of this. As much as the road we are traveling has scraped and ripped, torn and gnashed...there is a plan here. I think of the potter and the clay story or the refining of gold. We too have a purpose and when the branches are stripped away, it hurts like the begeebers. It is for our growth and for our good and ultimately for HIS glory.
Thanks for traveling through this journey with us. ALWAYS appreciate each word you are able to lift up to the Father on our behalf.
Happy New Year to you all. May 2011 be a year of growth in the Lord and the knowledge he freely gives. May you experience his love and grace a fresh and new.
Blessings to you all.
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