Recent events have been so upsetting, that I have not really been able to sit and write them out. The morning of my last post, I found stab marks from both a knife and a flat head screwdriver in my pantry door and the garage door. My husband and I decided best to speak with Jake about this in counseling that evening. Jake did admit to the stabbing of the pantry door but freaked out about the garage door. He could not remember why he had stabbed the pantry door or stabbing the garage door at all. **I am freaking out inside here, k***
Then Jake's counselor looks at me and says he feels Jake is having seizures. WHAT? He asked me if I knew what they were and turns out I only know of extreme seizures requiring a wallet in the mouth. He explained that they can be small and hardly noticeable. Things can happen that the person can not remember such as with the doors.
REALLY? **My guts were turned upside down at this point** Reality has hit and I don't know what the heck to do with it.
Immediately following that appt, we were supposed to go to Jake's psych but our son freaked out in a full blown panic attack about seeing that Dr. So I had to call them and tell them. They understood and encouraged us to reschedule. I have to at least for the medicine but Jake's counselor is going to have to help him realize that the Dr. is not the only one responsible for him having to go to the hospital back in October, thus the reason Jake is refusing to see him.
I am skipping all over the place sorry, trying to get it all out.
With in the last few days I have noticed a new pattern. Jake is beginning to sleep for days in a row. I have not seen the awake part too much yet.
School, normalcy, socialization, responsibility, education, understanding...I hunger for them all for Jake. I feel like my husband and I are stuck and in too much shock to get out of this rut. We find comfort in our day-to-day work, but will ultimately have to stop and either put Jake back into a public school setting (God help us all) or I can't even type the "or".
Some days I feel like I can't even lift my arm to reach up for hope. It has to come down to me. Today is one of those days. Just keep going with the motions. Something is bound to turn-around. Right?